The Mistress election

Which country has the best Mistresses? Real ladies that tie you up and... We collected some for you.

With a French Mistress, you can imagine being bound across a four-poster bed covered with red satin sheets.

With an English Mistress, you'll be hogtied on the floor of the downstairs closet while she gets the housework down.

A Swiss mistress chains you in a bank vault, no questions asked, because of the gag of course.

An Italian Mama hangs you out in the sun to dry.

Efficient as all her countrymen, a German mistress organizes your bonds in neat, orderly rows.

And the Russian mistress isn't sure if she likes you or not after tying you up.

The Dutch Mistress will decorate your ropes with tulips, while the Australian Mistress will put you upside down.

And the American Mistress... she will bail you out, eventually. Especially when you are into stocks and bonds.

Of course, the Chinese mistress will release you from your foul little bondage cell to parade you in your athletic truss before her friends.

And the Japanese mistress will use you for sixty hours every week yet you will chant and sing in enthusiasm.

You would expect ice cube play from the Inuit Mistress, but alas, bondage leaves her cold.

Luckily the Argentinian Mistress just loves to play the tango with your emotions.

Of course, there is the similarity of the Mexican and Algerian mistresses, who slip into your house and do things to you that you wouldn't do yourself.

And the Canadian mistress, who simply checks the knots and smiles sadly at the struggles and noise of her charge. But she's moody - one day in seven, she's like a different woman all together.

An Irish Mistress uses green rope, that's nice, but the Scottish Mistress is so stingy, that she ties up only one hand and one foot at the time.

We have to include the Egyptian one, as she keeps her lovers mummified in preparation to entombing them.

And her sister, the Libyan lady, who always overstates her limits.

I am not sure if I really want to meet the following two Mistresses... the Spanish one, who takes no bull, especially when she sees red; nor the Belgian Mistress: after a few "Duvel" beers, she really is no joke.

Of course, one of my favorites is the Indian mistress, with her clever rope tricks. I always like that.

And there is the Hawaiian mistress - when she meets you, she drops flowery lei around you. Only later do you find out your arms are now pinned to your sides...

In Sicily, women are more dangerous than shotguns and Mistress Donna Corleone ties you tighter than anyone else. But... it's not personal, Sonny. It's strictly business.

And finally the outsider, the Martian Mistress becomes green with envie, if you but only hint that you prefer ropes rather than the embrace of her tentacles.